I sit here in my bed, with my bionic knee braced and propped up. And for some reason I cannot sleep. My mind does this to me a lot. I have so many thoughts and feelings and emotions buzzing around - making relaxation really difficult for me. And I’m a mom! It’s difficult for Mom’s to relax.
I wanted to write down some of these thoughts that I am experiencing and all of the emotions in my heart right now.
My parents offered to take the kids for last night and all day today. And so Curt & I were able to have a date night last night. We went to Sushi Don and then Captain Marvel. We might as well, right???
And then we woke up bright and early today. I honestly was not nervous. I have completely trust in my doctors and I absolutely adore the IU staff. They are amazing. We got in at 7:30 and surgery started at 9:00 am. We were all joking about my home town, Manitowoc, WI being on that Making a Murder documentary and the staff was really creating a soothing and relaxed environment. They told me to dream of something amazing. I said “full body massages, beaches in Mexico, and CHOCOLATE.” hahaha. Those are my dreams right there guys.
That was all I remember. The next minute I was slowly, sleepily waking up. I was freezing and shaking a bit. The nursing staff covered me in blankets. It was pretty hilarious. They wrapped my whole head in blankets too! hahaha I loved it so much. It was like my little personal hot tub. I’m sure Curt has a photo somewhere >> there it is!! hahaha.
I learned unfortunately that I did tear my Meniscus as well - meaning 2 weeks of no weight bearing. That was tough news to hear. My mind raced about how the heck I can do that with my kids at home. It’s a pretty helpless feeling, not being able to take care of your kids.
And then my amazing nurse was asking me questions:
How many kids do you have? - Three littles. 5, 3, and 1.
Holy Cow! Where are they now? - With my amazing parents who live in town.
And BAM. Emotions hit me hard. I was overcome with deep gratitude for my family, my husband, and all my amazing friends who have come together to support me. I am SO grateful and humbled by the help they are providing. I feel so loved.
I feel so blessed to live so close to them. Curt’s parents and my parents both live here and I honestly don’t think I could do this without them. I feel so grateful that God has placed me here, in Lafayette. Blessing me with the support system - knowing that I will one day need to rely on them greatly. Honestly, we never intended on staying here after Curt graduated from Purdue. We thought we would move wherever the jobs opened up. And again, God blessed us with jobs here in town.
I had no idea what a blessing that was at the time. And I pray over and over again with a thankful heart. He knows exactly where we need to be, when, and with who.
And then I felt an intense and deep love for my Savior. I felt wrapped in his love and his understanding of what I was going through. The Atonement is so real. It is so powerful. And I find myself grateful for trials like this. It brings me closer to my Father in Heaven and to my Savior. It deepens my relationship with them and humbles my heart completely.
And as I experienced this outpouring of emotions - I realized how different these emotions were from my previous knee surgery in high school.
About 13 years ago I had the same exact surgery done. I was a sophomore - so life was easy! No real responsibilities. Man, I didn’t even realize how easy life was. hahah! But during those days, I too found myself crying a lot. I was very emotional. I think the drugs do this to me. lol!
But I was crying because I felt completely helpless, alone, and depressed. I was really sad. I couldn’t walk, get dressed. move around, go up the stairs, be independent. And I cried. I cried when anyone tried to help me - because I hated it. I hated needing help.
How different these tears have been. They have been tears of gratitude and hope and love.
This may change overtime, but I recognize how my own testimony and knowledge of God has developed over this past decade. And again, I am grateful to have that insight and to have this knowledge that He will carry me and send angels to surround me. And He not only will do this for me, but for you too.
So here I am again. Crying in my bed. Crying for joy and happiness.
And with that note - send me all of your favorite TV shows! I’ll need some good Binging materials. I NEED MORE QUEER EYE!!!